


Not Quite A Singularity

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Comment Fic 2016 [80]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Android AU, M/M, Robot AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8136235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Stargate Atlantis, Evan Lorne, he really IS a robot, an advanced AI starting to question his 'make everyone happy' programming."





	

Here was the thing: John got it. He really did. With the limited amount of personnel and resources that could supply said personnel on Atlantis (and the fact that all personnel had to do triple-duty, which meant the military commander and chief science officer of the expedition went off-world and faced certain danger together), an android programmed with a high-level AI was the perfect choice as XO. That didn't mean it wasn't creepy as hell.  
  
Major Lorne (who John wanted to call Andy but whose first name, for human comfort, was Evan, because all Earth-based North American humans had first and last names) was handsome enough to seem trustworthy to the natives but not so handsome that he was a distraction. He had enough human verisimilitude that most people didn't realize he wasn't human. He could make jokes and laugh at jokes, he appeared to feel pain, and he was capable of sarcasm.  
  
Best of all, he was rechargeable, and he came with solar batteries. That planet with insane amounts of sunlight was the perfect place to recharge his batteries. Once a week, Lorne and Parrish took a trip to the planet to put out depleted batteries for recharging, pick up recharged batteries for use, and pick up some more botany samples for Greenhouse Three.  
  
Because Lorne was an android, he didn't need to sleep. All day he saw to the military and admin duties needed to keep the base running on a professional level. All night, he saw to the duties needed to keep the members of the expedition happy. Happy expedition members were efficient, hard-working expedition members. So Lorne baked birthday cupcakes (and it was someone's birthday almost every day, and the guy could work miracles with the Pegasus galaxy's answer to wheat flour), and he repaired torn clothes, and he did sketches and paintings of earth-based locations for people to decorate their quarters with when they missed home.  
  
He was endlessly patient with the crazy things people asked of him, whether specifically or implicitly. He was programmed with enough human verisimilitude that sometimes he questioned John's orders, or complained about how boring it was to escort a botanist off-world (everyone below a certain rank on the expedition assumed that Lorne just had a standing assignment to escort Parrish out to get samples; Parrish thought the batteries were for one of Zelenka's experiments). But when it came to remembering birthdays, or being a listening ear, or asking earnest questions about someone's mother or hobby or pet dog, Lorne was longsuffering.  
  
As much as the nerds at Area 51 had supreme confidence in their creation (they had bigger egos than Rodney), John was wary of Lorne. If something was too good to be true, then it probably wasn't true. So he watched Lorne, waiting for the day the guy cracked. He was programmed to make sure Atlantis ran smoothly, which was an impossible task. On top of that, he was programmed to make sure everyone stayed happy.  
  
Everyone but him.  
  
That had to be a bad idea.  
  
Lorne didn't seem to mind the fact that he never slept, that he never had a moment to himself (he didn't stop to recharge, just plugged in the new battery pack and kept going). He just walked the halls of Atlantis, quietly got things done, and never stopped.  
  
Till the day he did. One day Lorne and Parrish were coming back from their weekly trip off-world to switch out batteries, and everything went from normal to dangerous in an instant. Parrish paused in the gate-room to show off his new plant samples to Katie Brown and engage in lots and lots of gushing. Lorne stripped off his tac gear to give to one of the marines to take back to the ready room, and he paused, expression going blank, gaze going distant.  
  
The light came back on in his eyes, and he said, "You know, occasionally I do want something. And I think it's time I do something about it." He reached out, snagged the front of Parrish's tac vest, and hauled him in for a kiss.  
  
Parrish made a muffled sound of surprise and dropped his botany sample. Dirt and foliage exploded across the floor. One of the marines on gate room cleaning duty sighed. The other marines exchanged uncomfortable looks, because as far as they knew, Lorne was a soldier just like them, and there were rules. _Regs._

But then Parrish threaded his fingers through Lorne's hair and kissed him back, and John thought, _We're screwed. The singularity has arrived._ He'd talked to Rodney about Lorne enough times to learn some things about robotics and AI theory. When an AI started doing what it wanted instead of what it was programmed to do, it was time to call in the big guns.  
  
"Chuck," John said quietly, "dial up the SGC."  
  
"Yes, sir," Chuck said, but he was staring at the tableau down in front of the gate.  
  
John cleared his throat loudly. "Major."  
  
Lorne disengaged from Parrish slowly, both of them breathing hard (robots didn't need to breathe, dammit!). Parrish was smiling widely, murmuring something low that made Lorne smile, and John kicked Chuck in the ankle.  
  
"Chuck," he said. "The SGC. Dial it up _now_."  
  
Chuck shook himself out of his trance, blushing, and began the dial-up sequence.  
  
"Dr. Parrish," Elizabeth said, "report to Greenhouse Three. Major Lorne, Colonel Sheppard needs to speak to you."  
  
Brown tugged on Parrish's shoulder, eyes wide, and Parrish let her tow him away from the gate.  
  
Lorne glanced up, met John's gaze, and walked away. The marines were so shocked that they didn't move to stop him.  
  
The event horizon activated.  
  
Chuck transmitted the Atlantis code, and then Samantha Carter said,  
  
"Atlantis, this is Stargate Command."  
  
"Stargate Command, this is Dr. Weir," Elizabeth said. "Send containment immediately. There's been an error with our XO Unit."  
  
"What kind of error?" Carter asked.  
  
"I think we might be looking at a singularity," Rodney said.  
  
There was a pause, and then Carter said, "Noted. We'll send a containment unit. SGC out."  
  
The transmission ended, and the gate shut down.  
  
Dr. Parrish was upset when Major Lorne was sent back to the SGC. (The marines were relieved, because they weren't sure what to do about such an open violation of regs or following a man who blatantly disobeyed the military commander of the expedition.) Dr. Parrish was even more upset when Major Lorne returned (not the same model, but no one besides Rodney, Elizabeth, and John knew that), endlessly cheerful but a little clueless about things like humor, as if he'd had a partial lobotomy (the scientists had dialed back on the human verisimilitude; if he was already always happy, he wouldn't feel the need to step beyond the bounds of his programming to make himself happy). (The marines accepted Major Lorne's return with aplomb once John had a stern talk with them.) Major Lorne didn't respond to Parrish's attempts at romance, citing regs but letting him down gently.  
  
John watched out for Lorne more carefully this time, made sure he powered down from time to time, had time alone. Atlantis ran as smoothly as before (minus a bit of drama in the science department, which resulted in tension with the military contingent), and they waged war on the Wraith, but John had to watch his back, because he was sure that Lorne was biding his time, and Lorne could wait forever.


End file.
